Skip to content
  • Privacy
  • Disclaimer
  • Terms & Conditions
Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

  • ⚡ Funny Quotes Slot →
Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 56 this month

15,809 funny quotes and pics

17,807 funny quotes topics

Updated: Mar 13, 2026

 

 

 

 

1020 Funny time quotes

Funny time quotes are perfect for those moments when time feels like it’s either moving way too fast or dragging on forever! ⏳😂 Whether it’s waiting for the weekend, losing track of hours, or wishing for “just five more minutes,” these quotes show how time can be both hilarious and frustrating. Tick-tock, let the laughs begin! 🕒😜

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026Feb 23, 2026

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Posts navigation

Older posts
Newer posts

© 2026 Wordgag Inc.

>>> Random Quotes ✨