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18 Funny top quotes

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

3 weeks ago

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

1 month ago

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

2 months ago

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

3 months ago

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

3 months ago

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

3 months ago

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

3 months ago

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

3 months ago

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

3 months ago

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

3 months ago

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

3 months ago

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

3 months ago

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

3 months ago

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

3 months ago

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

3 months ago

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

3 months ago

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

3 months ago

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

3 months ago