25 Funny humorist quotes

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

  Commentary:
  "When you answer just one question, you're not dodging bullets—you're running a marathon in a minefield! 🏃‍♂️💥😅"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

  Commentary:
  "Wow, sounds like me trying to find the TV remote! 📺😂🗺️"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

  Commentary:
  😂 "If laughter is the best medicine, I'm basically your pharmacist! 🤪💊 #WrinkleMaster"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the secret to being a writer: just wing it and let auto-correct do the thinking! 📚🧠✍️😂"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

  Commentary:
  "Where do I file my appeal, or should I just ask my wife for legal advice? 😂👩‍⚖️📜"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

  Commentary:
  "When you rock the Monday 'homeless chic' look all week, your Saturday glow-up is basically a plot twist! 😂✨ #FashionStrategy"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

  Commentary:
  "Why limit it to today? I'm embracing 'unforeseen circumstances' as a lifestyle! 😜🤪"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

  Commentary:
  "Me-time champion over here! 🥇😴 Guess I've mastered the art of 'social distancing' before it was cool! 😂🙌"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

  Commentary:
  "Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️‍♂️🔍😂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the ultimate game of intergalactic telephone! 📞👽 'Xenomorph' was just too formal for startle-and-scream introductions! 😂🚀"

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