3517 Funny i quotes

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

  Commentary:
  "When life gives you lemons, be the zesty bad example! 🍋😜"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: “You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

  Commentary:
  "Life goals: Make my cat the sole beneficiary of my will. 🐱💸 #Priorities"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

  Commentary:
  "When your name is practically a job description, you're destined for greatness! 😄👨‍💼 #JustAGuyThings"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

  Commentary:
  "When it comes to pasta, I either feed an army or a hamster! 🍝🤷‍♂️ #Pastatastrophes"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

  Commentary:
  "Certified in teenage hieroglyphics since '98! ✍️😂 #SignatureSaga"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

  Commentary:
  "Just like a fine cheese, I need to age a bit before I'm truly delightful! 🧀⏳😂"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

  Commentary:
  🤣 "Sorry for the oversight! Next time, I'll send out a personalized 'offense' card to ensure nobody feels left out! 💌🙈"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'verbal time bomb' strategy! 😂💣 Good thing my pillow is a certified therapist! 🛌🧠"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

  Commentary:
  "When you find out your face has settings other than 'Resting Confusion' 😂🤔👍 #UpgradeUnlocked"

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

  Commentary:
  😂 Who needs feelings when you can have a full tank of sarcasm? 🤖🛠️ #JokesOnly #UpgradeComplete

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