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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

818 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,980

Funny Quotes Topics

13,922

Funny Quotes Images

10,980

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Just shared via Reddit:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Shared recently on Discord:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Spotted on Messenger:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Freshly posted on X:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Just shared via Instagram:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

818 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,980

Funny Quotes Topics

13,922

Funny Quotes Images

10,980

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Breaking via Instagram:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Just shared via Telegram:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Just shared via Instagram:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Live now on Slack:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Making waves on Facebook:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

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