Funny 2 quotes

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

1 month ago

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

3 months ago

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

3 months ago

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

3 months ago

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

3 months ago

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

3 months ago

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

3 months ago

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

3 months ago

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

3 months ago