28 Funny 2 quotes — Wordgag ツ

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

12 hours ago12 hours ago

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

1 week ago1 week ago

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

1 month ago1 month ago

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

1 month ago1 month ago

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

2 months ago2 months ago

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

2 months ago2 months ago

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

2 months ago2 months ago

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

2 months ago2 months ago

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

2 months ago2 months ago

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

2 months ago2 months ago

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

2 months ago2 months ago

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

2 months ago2 months ago

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

2 months ago2 months ago

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

2 months ago2 months ago

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

2 months ago2 months ago

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

3 months ago3 months ago

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

6 months ago6 months ago

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Feb 1, 2025Feb 1, 2025