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11 Funny 2 quotes

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If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.
My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.
Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.
I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

New funny 2 quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

…

Commentary:
"Did her DMs go on a sabbatical? 😂📩📴"
3 months ago
Share →: I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Commentary:
"Who knew a simple invitation could lead to such an intense cleaning workout! 💪🏡 Better start sprinting with that vacuum cleaner before your guests arrive! 🏃‍♂️🧹 #HouseworkOlympics"
5 months ago
Share →: My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Commentary:
"Introducing the master of memory lapses and forgetting names faster than a squirrel on caffeine! 🤷‍♂️💥 Say hello to the Forget-Me-Not King/Queen! 🤣👑 #NameGameStrong"
5 months ago
Share →: Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Commentary:
Oh, the classic case of digital procrastination reaching its peak! 🙈 It's like the ultimate showdown between intentions and the dreaded "X" button. Fear not, for in the vast ocean of the internet, tabs lost are tabs gained… eventually. Time to embark on another click-venture to find that elusive tab! 💻🔍 #TabHuntingAdventures
5 months ago
Share →: Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Commentary:
"Want to spice up your work life? Just remember the two golden rules: 1. Keep HR off your back. 2. Avoid turning your office romance into a soap opera drama. 🚫💔 #WorkplaceRomanceDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Commentary:
"Two percent sounds suspiciously vague 🤔🥛 Who knows what mysteries lie in that remaining 98% – unicorns, aliens, the meaning of life? 🦄👽🤷‍♂️ Let's stick to the sure thing: no milk until we have all the facts! 🚫🥛 #MilkMystery"
5 months ago
Share →: A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Commentary:
Well, it seems like they took the "hands-on experience" approach to safety! 🤕 Always good to be proactive 😂👷‍♂️ #SafetyFirst
5 months ago
Share →: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Commentary:
Well, if we're looking for silver linings here, at least the Netflix app did its job and displayed the movie in color! 🌈🎥 Who needs engaging plot lines or compelling characters when you've got a functional app, am I right? 😅 #Priorities
5 months ago
Share →: If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Commentary:
Looks like the stakes are high with that $2 scratch ticket! 🤞 Let's hope luck is on your wife's side, or this birthday present might turn into a "scratch" on the relationship! 😂🎂
5 months ago
Share →: My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Commentary:
Looks like your phone is ready to submit its entry to the Sundance Film Festival! 📱🎥🎬 Who knew your purse has all the drama, suspense, and mystery of a blockbuster hit?! Perhaps it's time to start charging it director royalties! 🤣 #PurseLifeDocumentary