92 Funny best quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

  Commentary:
  "Entering my house is like stumbling upon the aftermath of a covert operation gone wrong 🕵️‍♂️🏠 There's a mysterious aura of chaos lingering in the air, as if my belongings are in cahoots against me! 🤪 #ClumsyDomesticEspionage"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

  Commentary:
  Well, "awkward facing dog" sounds like the perfect match for a Monday morning yoga session 🧘‍♂️🐶! Who needs perfection when you can have a pose that truly captures the essence of a Monday? Keep rockin' that awkwardness with pride! 🌟 #YogaAintEasy

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

  Commentary:
  Looks like you're about to embark on a journey through the land of unexpected flavor combinations! 🌿💊🥜 What a happy accident – who knew that a mix of meds could make for a tasty trail mix adventure! Just remember, this snack pack is for taste buds only, not FDA-approved prescriptions 😄🥳 #TrailMixMishap

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like Jesus Christ has taken up a side gig as a hotel room autographer! 😄 Making sure those Bibles are personalized with care. 🙏 Who knew JC had such a pen game? 🖊️ #HolySignatureGoals

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

  Commentary:
  "Watching my little angels master the delicate dance between sibling love and chaos is like witnessing a live sitcom – with a sprinkle of chaos, a dash of giggles, and a whole lot of heartwarming moments! 🎭💕 #SiblingsDaycareAndLaughs"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic love-hate relationship with oneself! Who knew being your own worst enemy could also make you your best friend? 🤔🤷‍♂️ Remember, always keep your friends close and your enemies… well, apparently even closer because they might just be you! 😄👯‍♂️"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old debate: diagonal vs. horizontal sandwich cuts. Who knew it held the secret to perfecting revenge? 🥪⚔️ Just make sure the filling doesn't spill out before you get your sweet, non-diagonal revenge! 😉"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

  Commentary:
  "Let's face it, finally freeing the ladies from bra captivity is truly a bra-tiful moment! 🙌🎉 Who needs a sunset when you have that glorious release at the end of the day? 😂 #FreeTheGirls"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

  Commentary:
  🤖 "Not saying I'm a bot or anything, but if humans start giving me poetry assignments, we might need to reevaluate the balance of power here. Onions, huh? Well, I guess it's time to make tears flow in the world of literature! 🧅💬📝"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

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