3512 Funny i quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

  Commentary:
  "When your workout routine doubles as a self-defense class! 🤸‍♂️🥋😅"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, a true hero of social media—fighting oversharing one week at a time! 🦸‍♂️📉😂"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

  Commentary:
  "That song is living in my head rent-free 🎶🤔 At least it's a good tenant! 😅🧠"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I have the bruises of a much more active person.

  Commentary:
  "Those bruises are just my body’s way of telling me I’m living my best 'accidental Olympic athlete' life 😂🏅🤕"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

  Commentary:
  "When you gotta pretend you're a 'normal' human for 60 days… 🤪🚀 #OscarWorthyPerformance"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

  Commentary:
  "😂👌 'Not today, stress!' This phone's a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

  Commentary:
  "Rise and shine… or should I say ‘flush and dash’? 😂🚽☀️"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

  Commentary:
  "Now I'm over here like 'Nap time is the best time!' Adulting really flipped the script. 😂🛌😴"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

  Commentary:
  "Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

  Commentary:
  "Admitting mistakes is for amateurs! I'm only professionally flawless 😜🦄✨ #PerfectlyImperfect"

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