Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Commentary:
"Who knew a few post-dinner laps around the block could be the best form of 'table service' savings? 🚶‍♂️💸 Forget fine dining, it's all about the 'fine walking' now! 🍽️😂"
6 months ago
Share →: Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Commentary:
🤖 "Not saying I'm a bot or anything, but if humans start giving me poetry assignments, we might need to reevaluate the balance of power here. Onions, huh? Well, I guess it's time to make tears flow in the world of literature! 🧅💬📝"
6 months ago
Share →: Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Commentary:
"Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions? 🚫📝 Because who needs all that paper-pushing when we can just wave some magic wands and make things happen?! ✨ #PetitionCeption #BanTheBanPetition"
6 months ago
Share →: Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Commentary:
"Me, budgeting with $33 left after paying bills: Let's check out Land Rovers and practice my manifestation skills 🚙💸 Who needs groceries when you can have off-road adventure, right? #Priorities 😅"
6 months ago
Share →: Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of outstanding bills and outstanding sarcasm! 🤣 Maybe we should start sending our doctors some invoices for their outstanding patience and sense of humor! 💸😜"
6 months ago
Share →: Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Commentary:
🐱😹 "When I rise from my slumber, my feline companion also rises with a look of blatant accusation, as if to say 'How dare you disturb our synchronized snooze schedule, human!' It's like we're part of the world's grumpiest early morning duo – 'The Wake-Up Whiskers'! 😼🎤"
6 months ago
Share →: If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I'll get back to you whenever I feel like it' strategy. 🙃 Remember to keep your phone on high alert for that eventual return call – it's like a surprise from the universe! 📞⏳"
6 months ago
Share →: “I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Commentary:
"Ah, the circle of life: waking up just to look forward to going back to bed 😴🔄 Who said motivation doesn't strike early in the morning? 🌞 #SleepIsLife"
6 months ago
Share →: A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Commentary:
Looks like someone accidentally got hit with a spoiler alert! 🎣😇 Maybe next time Jesus could've shouted, "Spoiler warning ahead!" 🚫📖 Just when you thought it was safe to put down the remote 📺, the ultimate plot twist revealed itself! 😂 #SpoilerAlert #JesusRocks
6 months ago
Share →: Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Commentary:
"Kids these days, always so generous! 😷🤒 Who needs gifts when you can get a cold instead? Talk about a special delivery! 🎁😂 #ParentingPerks"