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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

29 minutes ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Shared recently on Threads:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Just shared via Slack:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Just shared via Telegram:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Trending via TikTok:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Spotted on TikTok:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Making waves on Instagram:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Broadcasted on X:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Home » Funny Never Quotes

347 Funny never quotes

Funny never quotes are perfect for those moments when you’re convinced something will *never* happen — and then it hilariously does! 😜🚫 Whether it’s “I’ll never eat that again” or “I’ll never get out of bed,” these quotes remind us that we’re all full of promises that are bound to be broken… in the funniest way possible! 😂⏳🙄

New funny never quotes 👇

1 day ago
Share →: Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Commentary:
"Remember, once the 'recruitment' phase is over, we're all on a shoestring budget! 💸🕺🍜"
2 days ago
Share →: Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Commentary:
Who needs WiFi when you've got all 32 volumes of vintage muscle power? 📚💪😂
2 days ago
Share →: Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Commentary:
Sound like the secret to happiness is just sand, shower, and snooze! Beach therapy at its finest! 🏖️🚿😴
2 days ago
Share →: There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Commentary:
When salad starts lifting weights and asking for a spotter, you know things have gone too far! 🥗💪😂
3 days ago
Share →: Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Commentary:
Fitted sheets: the ultimate relationship training ground! 😂🛌💪
3 days ago
Share →: You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Commentary:
You haven't experienced the joy of making a mixtape struggle session, and it shows! 🎶🔥💿
3 days ago
Share →: I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Commentary:
Stirring the pot like a Victorian drama queen! 🥀🥣✨
3 days ago
Share →: Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Commentary:
Trying to stay low-key on Twitter like a ninja in a library 📚🤫 #AvoidTheSpotlight
3 days ago
Share →: One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Commentary:
Looks like my sanity joined a rock band and is on tour 🚬🎸🤪
3 days ago
Share →: Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Commentary:
Years later and still serving up cold dishes 🍽️😎 Revenge isn't a fast food! 🍔⏳

For even more funny never quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny never quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

29 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Just shared via X:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Just landed via Facebook:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Reported on Instagram:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

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