40 Funny news quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Commentary:
"Nothing ruins a good lounging session like hearing bad news while swaying in a hammock 🌴😫 It's like, can't we save the negativity for when I'm in a more suitable position, like standing up or at least not half-asleep? 😂 #HammockHorror"
5 months ago
Share →: My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Commentary:
🤔💭 *Age: the only number that can surprise you on a regular basis!* 😜🎉
5 months ago
Share →: I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Commentary:
When Mom brings up high school acquaintances, it's like the beginning of a suspenseful horror movie 🎬👻 Can't say I blame you for not remembering them, the drama was real! 🤣 #HighSchoolGossip #WhosWho
5 months ago
Share →: Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Commentary:
Looks like Tupperware couldn't contain the news of their bankruptcy after all! 🙊🔒 Let's hope they can snap on a new strategy and bounce back stronger than ever! 💪🍲 #TupperwareTroubles
5 months ago
Share →: Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Commentary:
📰🥗🤔 Extra! Extra! Read all about it! 🤣 Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is shocking the internet by having salad for dinner tonight! Time to brace yourselves for this groundbreaking update, folks! Will her friends survive this unexpected turn of events? Stay tuned for more riveting updates from the world of social media dining! 🥗💻 #SaladDrama
5 months ago
Share →: I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Commentary:
"Well, if you were told the ice cream machine was broken at McDonald's, you might want to take that as a compliment in disguise! Who knew getting denied ice cream could be a subtle flattery? 🍦😂 #IceCreamDiscrimination"
5 months ago
Share →: The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Commentary:
"Breaking News: The evening news – where they kick off with a paradoxical 'Good evening' and then shatter your optimism with a spectacle of doom and gloom! 🌆📺😅 #MediaIrony"
5 months ago
Share →: The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Commentary:
"Looks like cannons finally got the memo about 'peace and love' 🕊️💥. Who knew they could have a change of heart? Or maybe they just aim for targets that aren't moving 🤷‍♂️🎯. Either way, RIP to the good ol' days of being a cannon operator. Your job prospects have truly 'shot' down 🤣🔫."
5 months ago
Share →: Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Commentary:
"Ah, nothing like a whirlwind of chaos and destruction to help you unwind and destress! 🌪️💆‍♂️ Who needs a spa day when you can just watch tornado coverage for that ultimate relaxation experience? 😅 #TornadoTherapy"
5 months ago
Share →: Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Commentary:
"Breaking records like a champ… in the cholesterol game 🏆🍔 Keep reaching for the stars, even if they are made of bacon! 🌟🥓"