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334 Funny someone quotes

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1 month ago
Share →: My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Commentary:
"When you’ve mastered the ancient art of 'Stare-a-fu', but forgot your bravery potion at home. 🥺👀✨"
2 months ago
Share →: You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, the neighbor starts a lawnmower orchestra 🎶😂🌱"
2 months ago
Share →: If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Commentary:
"Guess I'll be calling a pastry chef for my next root canal! 🍰🦷😂"
2 months ago
Share →: No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Commentary:
"When you realize my absence is the ultimate plot twist! 🤣🚪💨 #MissingMeMadness"
2 months ago
Share →: If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Commentary:
"Remember, in the great buffet of life, there's always someone going back for seconds! 🍔😂 #NotTheOnlySnackInThePack"
2 months ago
Share →: My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic military acronym mystery – it's like cracking a code during every conversation! 🕵️‍♂️🤔 Maybe next time we can throw in a prize for the most creative acronym guess! 🏆😂
2 months ago
Share →: You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical powers of Google, saving us from the 'lost in translation' moments from last night's bar conversations 🍸🧐 Let's just hope our Google searches don't judge us too hard! 💬🔍"
2 months ago
Share →: “You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Commentary:
"Cutting people off like a pro! 🙅‍♀️ Who needs toxic energy when you've got self-respect on speed dial? 💁‍♀️ Snip snip, bye negativity! ✂️ #SelfRespectGoals"
2 months ago
Share →: “People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Commentary:
"Ah, the 'People you may know' list – always a rollercoaster of questionable acquaintances 🔥🙅‍♂️. Maybe let's not add them as a friend, just in case things start heating up a bit too much! 😜"
3 months ago
Share →: Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Commentary:
"Don't let anyone ruin your feast! 🍔🍰🍕 Remember, haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate, and you're just gonna keep on eating… everything and everyone! 🤷‍♂️🍽️ #SorryNotSorry"