Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

57 Funny times quotes

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

3 months ago

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

3 months ago

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

3 months ago

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

3 months ago

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

3 months ago

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

3 months ago

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

3 months ago

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

3 months ago

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

3 months ago

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

3 months ago

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

3 months ago

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

3 months ago

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

3 months ago

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

3 months ago

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

3 months ago

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

3 months ago

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

3 months ago

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

3 months ago

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

3 months ago

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

3 months ago