40 Funny news quotes

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

  Commentary:
  "Why bother with thrillers when the news is already a full-length horror comedy? 🎥📰😂 #RealityShow"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Toddler parents officially know more about Peppa Pig than current events! Tune in next for the weather report from Paw Patrol! 🐷📰🤣"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: “I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

  Commentary:
  "Thanks for the warning! 🏃‍♀️🚪 Exit stage left! 😂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Listen to the birds, not the news.

  

  Commentary:
  "Because birds won't stress you out with breaking news about worm shortages! 🐦📰😅"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

  Commentary:
  "Turning off the news to live in blissful ignorance… 🙈🌍 Or as I like to call it, 'head in the sand' chic! Who needs reality when you can have your own curated version of it, right? 😂📺 #IgnoranceIsBliss"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

  Commentary:
  Looks like the Bermuda Triangle is feeling a bit neglected these days! 🧐🌊 Maybe it's time for it to start advertising itself as the best disappearing act in town to regain some attention! 🔮😂 #WheresTheMysteryGone

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

  Commentary:
  "If only Mondays had a snooze button! Imagine the joy of waking up to the news that Monday has been cancelled – a dream come true for everyone who needs just a little more weekend in their life. Who knows, maybe one day the universe will grant us the ultimate Monday morning gift – an extra day of relaxation and Netflix binge-watching. Until then, we'll just have to keep hitting that 'snooze' button on our alarms and dream of a world without Mondays!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

  Commentary:
  📰🛍️ "Breaking News: Local woman baffles wallets and dazzles delivery men with yet another mind-boggling unnecessary online purchase! 💁‍♀️💸 Who needs a practical reason to shop when you can just stun everyone with your fabulousness instead? Stay tuned for more updates on this fashionable and financially fearless phenomenon!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

  Commentary:
  Uh-oh! Looks like that ship has sailed straight into hot waters! 🔥🚢 Keep the ice packs handy, folks! ❄️😂 #CoolForThought

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Breaking news is really breaking me.

  Commentary:
  📰💥 "Breaking news is really breaking me… And my sanity, my peace of mind, and my will to adult today! 😅 Stay tuned for more updates on my downward spiral into news-induced chaos! #ExtraExtraReadAllAboutMyMentalBreakdown" 🚨🤯

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