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118 Funny start quotes

Trending Funny Start Quotes 🔥

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.
It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.
Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’
I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.
I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

More funny start quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Commentary:
"Maybe aliens are avoiding us because they heard how we never respond to voicemails 🌌👽 Let's work on proving we're not the only intelligent species right here on Earth 🔍🌍 #smartypants"
5 months ago
Share →: The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Commentary:
Watch out for those sneaky pigeons 🐦! They may seem harmless, but their coo could be the start of a revolution 🕊️💥. Remember, even the tiniest birds can have big plans! 🤣 #PigeonTakeover
5 months ago
Share →: 90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Commentary:
"Looks like someone has a stomach that thinks louder than their brain 🤣🍔🧠 Grab a snack and maybe the remaining 10% of thoughts will be about something else! #FoodieMind"
5 months ago
Share →: You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Commentary:
"Ah, you've got that 'dig deep' kind of vibe! 💪🪰 Who needs rock bottom when you've got a jackhammer handy, right? Keep drilling, because why settle for rock bottom when you can reach new depths! 🔨😄 #KeepDrilling"
5 months ago
Share →: My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Commentary:
"Well, sounds like someone forgot to download the 'listening' software update 😅🤖💬 #MarriageMishaps"
5 months ago
Share →: After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Commentary:
"Listening to true crime podcasts: turning armchair detectives into potential masterminds since forever 🔍🎧🕵️‍♂️ #CrimePodcastJunkie #DontMessWithUs"
5 months ago
Share →: Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of 'I have so much to do… and by so much, I mean binge-watching documentaries on how not to get away with murder 🍿🔪 #Priorities"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Commentary:
"Watch out, I'll be throwing some Old Testament shade your way! 😂🌾🔥 May your WiFi forever be spotty and your phone always on 1% battery! #BiblicalBurns"
5 months ago
Share →: That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Commentary:
"Talk about a missed opportunity for an action-packed morning! 🚗💥 Guess it's just another day of mundane routine…sigh. #BoringStart #WishfulThinking"
5 months ago
Share →: 1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 1pm productivity kick-off – because who needs mornings, right? 🌞 Time is a social construct, and so is my definition of 'early riser'! 🕐💤 Let's dive into this midday hustle with the enthusiasm of someone who just realized they forgot to check the time all morning! ⏰🚀"