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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Fries, not lies.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,489

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Spotted on Facebook:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Spotted on TikTok:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Breaking via Pinterest:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Trending via TikTok:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

5 days ago

1st, actually, always, calendar, date, day, day feeling, feeling, feels, funny observation, humor, January, January 1st, new, new year, observation, perception, Sunday, time, time perception, year
It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

5 days ago

5, 8, alcohol, beer, beers, comparison, day, drinking, drinking water, fat, Funny, funny comparison, hours, humor, impossible, impossible task, kid, seems, seesaw, shot, shots, task, water
One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

5 days ago

amazing, back, communication, connection, dating, day, humor, just, meet, misunderstanding, person, relationship, text, texting
How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.

5 days ago

25, daily, daily routine, day, frequency, humor, i, media, only, pee, people, post, posting, routine, social, social media, thing, times
I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

5 days ago

daily, daily routine, day, every, exercise, fitness, help, honesty, i, know, me, motivation, procrastination, routine, self-awareness, stretching, want
It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

5 days ago

alcohol, crazy, day, drinking, feel, hangover, health, humor, irony, next, poison, shit
That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

5 days ago

awareness, Christmas, confusion, date, date confusion, day, day awareness, gap, holiday, new, new year, tell, time, time gap, week, year
Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

5 days ago

affection, animal, booster, day, day improvement, funny voice, humor, improvement, interaction, just, kind, looking, love, miraculous, mood, mood booster, much, pet, pet interaction, saying, stuff, voice, weird
Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

5 days ago

bedtime, bedtime procrastination, control, control issue, day, day end, end, feels, give, issue, last, personal, personal time, procrastination, sleep, sleep issue, time, yours
You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

5 days ago

action, daily, daily life, day, every, fix, humor, internet, life, media, observation, social, social media, stupid, watch

For even more funny day quotes, hit next 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

45 shares on YouTube this month:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

41 shares on TikTok this month:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

34 shares on X this month:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Going viral on Reddit:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Spotted on Facebook:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Just shared via Discord:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Going viral on WeChat:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Activity Log ✨

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨