Funny quotes drunk

36 Funny drunk quotes

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Funny Quotes Mar 31, 2025

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Funny Quotes Feb 28, 2025

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Funny Quotes Feb 9, 2025

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025