80 funny event quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Apr 1, 2026

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Mar 31, 2026

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Mar 31, 2026

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Mar 31, 2026

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Mar 31, 2026

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Mar 31, 2026

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Mar 31, 2026

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Mar 31, 2026

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Mar 31, 2026

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Mar 30, 2026

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Mar 30, 2026

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Mar 30, 2026

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Mar 30, 2026

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Mar 29, 2026

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Mar 29, 2026

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Mar 29, 2026

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Mar 29, 2026

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Mar 29, 2026

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Mar 29, 2026

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Mar 29, 2026

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Mar 29, 2026

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Mar 29, 2026

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Mar 28, 2026

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Mar 28, 2026

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Mar 28, 2026

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Mar 28, 2026

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Mar 28, 2026

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Mar 27, 2026

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Mar 27, 2026

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Mar 27, 2026

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Mar 27, 2026

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Mar 27, 2026

Not going is the new leaving early.

Mar 27, 2026

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Mar 27, 2026

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Mar 26, 2026

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Mar 26, 2026

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Mar 26, 2026

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Mar 26, 2026

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Mar 26, 2026

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Mar 26, 2026