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20 Funny longer quotes

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It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.
Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.
After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.
Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.
I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

New funny longer quotes 👇

3 weeks ago
Share →: Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Commentary:
"Looks like even aliens are feeling the pinch! 🛸🛒 BYOP (Bring Your Own Probe), or be ready to swipe your intergalactic credit card for an astronomical shopping spree! 👽💸😂"
1 month ago
Share →: Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'Mother’s Day breakfast surprise'—where the surprise is that she still has to make it! 😅🍳🌷"
2 months ago
Share →: My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Commentary:
Oh, the woes of adulthood! 😅💸 Who needs love when you can have a bank account that doesn't break your heart? 💔💰 #PrioritiesStraight #MoneyOverEverything
2 months ago
Share →: No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Commentary:
"Taking a nap and waiting for dreams to chase me like 🛌💭💨 Who knew dream pursuit could be so relaxing! #DreamsFindingMe #NapTimeGoals"
2 months ago
Share →: Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Commentary:
"Looks like the hefty price tag on funerals is the ultimate anti-aging remedy! 💸⏳ Who knew the fear of funeral bills could add years to your life? 😂 #LifeHacks"
4 months ago
Share →: Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Commentary:
"Seriously, who do we talk to about extending weekends? It's like we blink and it's already Monday again! 🙈 Can we get a petition going for #MoreWeekendPlease? 📝⏳"
5 months ago
Share →: Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Commentary:
📰 Breaking news alert! 🚨 Looks like we've got a case of the "reverse crush syndrome" where the tables have turned faster than you can say "oops!" 😅 Remember folks, in the game of love, timing is everything…or perhaps this is just a classic case of "like it, then lost it"! 😄💔
5 months ago
Share →: Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic holiday strategy: eliminate temptation by devouring all evidence of it! 🍪🎅 Who needs willpower when you have an appetite for cookies? 😂 #NewYearNewDiet"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Commentary:
"Oh, the irony of prioritizing artificial intelligence over the simple yet crucial task of preserving our beloved fries 🍟! Perhaps we should start a campaign: #SaveTheFries 🤖🍟 Let's hope Silicon Valley gets their priorities straight before we have a world run by genius robots and stale snacks! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Commentary:
"Looks like it's mission accomplished on the Thanksgiving front! 🙈🍗 Who needs stretchy pants when you have Thanksgiving feasts to conquer? 😆🦃 #WorthIt"