281 Funny only quotes

• Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

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  4 weeks ago

  class, education, ending, hello, homework, humor, i, leave, lecture, main, movie, only, point, professor, reach, reading, right, sarcasm, student, timing, yell, yelling

• Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

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  4 weeks ago

  celebration, early, eat, holiday, humor, idea, leave, once, only, party, people, right, Santa, snack, socializing, tradition, visit, year

• You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

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  1 month ago

  age, aging, attitude, being, called, care, cool, cooler, geezer, humor, less, only, paradox, self-acceptance, true

• Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

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  1 month ago

  app, cause, different, media, multitasking, music, only, playing, social, social media, Twitter, while

• Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

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  1 month ago

  affection, again, being, called, compliment, cute, cutest, endearment, love, me, name, only, pet, pet name, relationship, romantic, say, thing, yes

• Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

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  1 month ago

  hate, honesty, humor, i, insult, liar, only, sarcasm, stupid, stupidity, thing

• Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

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  1 month ago

  couple, dating, gender, gender role, humor, man, media, only, photo, photos, post, relationship, relationships, role, serious, social, social media

• I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

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  1 month ago

  communication, humor, i, joke, only, speak, squeak, witty, wordplay

• Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

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  1 month ago

  cooking, dish, food, humor, instruction, instructions, name, only, stir-fry, where, wordplay

• Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

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  1 month ago

  2, 5, actually, am, awesome, bedtime, black, couple, cozy, evening, feels, humor, movie, night, only, perception, pitch, put, reality, staying, super, time, time perception, winter

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