89 Funny shit quotes

• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

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  1 week ago

  Christmas, Christmas story, everyone, favorite, favorite story, humor, hypocrisy, need, red-nosed, Red-Nosed Reindeer, reindeer, Rudolph, sarcasm, selfishness, shit, something, story, treatment, treats

• I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

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  1 week ago

  able, complaint, eat, eating, food, huge, humor, hunger, i, meal, month, shit, should, snake, sucks

• Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

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  3 weeks ago

  affair, cheating, forget, humor, marriage, married, person, ready, relationship, shit, young, young person

• When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

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  3 weeks ago

  16, again, button, buttons, emotional, emotional trigger, family, feeling, feeling old, humor, i, just, lose, nostalgia, old, parent, parents, push, shit, teenager, trigger, visit

• “Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

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  1 month ago

  ask, bad, bad news, feel, feeling, feeling bad, flashlight, health, humor, i, introspection, me, mood, myself, news, question, sarcastic, self-reflection, shit, staring, time, while, why

• I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

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  1 month ago

  getting, humor, i, life, motivation, procrastination, self-improvement, shit, stress, together

• The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

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  1 month ago

  back, bad, bad habit, bundle, communication, habit, habits, humanity, humor, i, me, message, mushroom, need, psychedelic, response, self-improvement, shit, tell, together, told, us, weeks

• The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

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  2 months ago

  always, challenge, chess, doing, guy, hardest, humor, opponent, shit, strategy, thing

• It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

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  2 months ago

  crazy, entertaining, entertainment, epigenetic, epigenetic memory, fire, memory, open, open fire, real, shit, stare

• I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

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  2 months ago

  awareness, before, effort, end, going, humor, i, life, life struggle, motivation, need, point, procrastination, put, real, self, self-awareness, shit, struggle, together, waiting, world, world end

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