Funny quotes shit

43 Funny shit quotes

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Funny Quotes Feb 4, 2025

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Funny Quotes Feb 2, 2025

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025