Funny quotes shit

44 Funny shit quotes

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

2 weeks ago

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

1 month ago

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

1 month ago

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

3 months ago

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

3 months ago

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

3 months ago

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

3 months ago

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

3 months ago

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

3 months ago

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

3 months ago

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

3 months ago

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

3 months ago

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

3 months ago

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

3 months ago

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

3 months ago

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

3 months ago

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

3 months ago

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

3 months ago

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

3 months ago

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

3 months ago