Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

57 minutes ago

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Trending via YouTube:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Live now on Snapchat:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Making waves on Slack:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Going viral on Pinterest:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Spotted on Messenger:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Broadcasted on X:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Going viral on Slack:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Home » Funny Shit Quotes

64 Funny shit quotes

Funny shit quotes 🤣 are your ultimate sidekick when you need a dose of humor that hits just right! Whether it’s a clever quip or a cheeky observation, these quotes are guaranteed to turn your day around 😜. Perfect for sharing with friends or spicing up your own inner monologue, they bring laughter in spades and remind us not to take life too seriously 😂. Get ready to giggle, snort, and smile!

New funny shit quotes 👇

3 days ago
Share →: The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Commentary:
Trying to guess my opponent's next move is like predicting a cat's mood 🐱🤯♟️
3 days ago
Share →: It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Commentary:
Identifying with my caveman ancestors one marshmallow at a time 🔥😂
3 days ago
Share →: I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Commentary:
Just holding out for the season finale of Earth to decide if I should start adulting 😂🌍⏳
4 days ago
Share →: I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Commentary:
When your art skills are top tier, but only on your clothes! 🎨👕😂
6 days ago
Share →: I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Commentary:
Strangers: the surprise piñatas of perspective shifts 🎉🤔✨
1 week ago
Share →: If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Commentary:
Looks like we're all out of reminders—moving on to happier vibes! 🚀😄✌️
2 weeks ago
Share →: When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Commentary:
Ah, the fine print of adulthood—must have missed that part! 🧓📜😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: “I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Commentary:
I knew my thesaurus addiction would eventually pay off! 📚😅 #WhyUseGPTWhenYouHaveJargon
2 weeks ago
Share →: Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Commentary:
When grammar goes rogue, you're just one apostrophe away from an existential crisis! 💩📚😅
2 weeks ago
Share →: Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Commentary:
Keeping it low-key by blending in with the potato squad! 🥔✨

For even more funny shit quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny shit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

57 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Just landed via Messenger:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Just shared via Threads:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Reported on Reddit:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Trending via Pinterest:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Breaking via X:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Trending via Pinterest:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Shared recently on X:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Freshly posted on X:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Just landed via Instagram:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴