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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,291

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Trending via Threads:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Trending via Telegram:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Breaking via X:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Just landed via Threads:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

90 Funny shit quotes

Funny shit quotes 🤣 are your ultimate sidekick when you need a dose of humor that hits just right! Whether it’s a clever quip or a cheeky observation, these quotes are guaranteed to turn your day around 😜. Perfect for sharing with friends or spicing up your own inner monologue, they bring laughter in spades and remind us not to take life too seriously 😂. Get ready to giggle, snort, and smile!

New funny shit quotes 👇

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

1 hour ago

attitude, date, disrespect, expiration, forgiveness, forgot, grudges, humor, i, insult, memory, people, said, shit, think
I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

1 hour ago

communication, conversation, humor, language, me, nonsense, people, sarcasm, say, sense, shit, start, telling
My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

2 hours ago

casual, casual language, favorite, favorite part, grab, humor, i, language, leave, leaving, life, office, office humor, quitting, quitting time, shit, time, work, work life, workday
Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

2 hours ago

asking, card, confusion, customer, customers, humor, me, payment, say, shit
Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

3 hours ago

adulthood, adulting, chore, humor, life, neverending, responsibility, shit, story
I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

7 hours ago

act, activity, date, girlfriend, i, me, pottery, relationship, reluctance, shit, want
An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

8 hours ago

alcoholic, host, humor, kurt, Kurt Vonnegut, morning, morning show host, satire, secretary, Secretary of War, shit, show, vonnegut, war
Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

9 hours ago

humor, loud, louder, motivation, music, need, problem, problem-solving, shit, solving, sometimes, sort, turn
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

10 hours ago

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman
Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

12 hours ago

attitude, call, constipated, expression, give, humor, i, indifference, me, shit, slang

For even more funny shit quotes, hit next 👇

All funny shit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

63 shares on WeChat this month:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

91 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Trending via X:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Shared recently on Discord:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Shared recently on Instagram:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Live now on WeChat:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

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