30 Funny small quotes

• 

  2 weeks ago

  View →: My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.
• 

  4 weeks ago

  View →: The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.
• 

  1 month ago

  View →: That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.
• 

  1 month ago

  View →: If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: “I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: (Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: All my small talk is done with a car horn.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

For even more funny small quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny small quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌