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105 Funny thought quotes

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

3 months ago

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

3 months ago

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

3 months ago

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

3 months ago

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

3 months ago

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

3 months ago

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

3 months ago

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

3 months ago

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

3 months ago

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

3 months ago

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

3 months ago

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

3 months ago

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

3 months ago

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

3 months ago

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

3 months ago

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

3 months ago

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

3 months ago

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

3 months ago

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

3 months ago

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

3 months ago