It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer. Posted on2 days ago
I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future. Posted on3 days ago
Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us. Posted on3 days ago
Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price. Posted on3 days ago
The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with. Posted on4 days ago
The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home. Posted on4 days ago
Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed. Posted on4 days ago
We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish. Posted on4 days ago
Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave. Posted on4 days ago
I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time. Posted on4 days ago
Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control. Posted on5 days ago
Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day. Posted on5 days ago
Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us. Posted on5 days ago
Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy. Posted on5 days ago
I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel. Posted on5 days ago
We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month. Posted on5 days ago
Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright. Posted on6 days ago
Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man. Posted on6 days ago
Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised. Posted on2 weeks ago2 days ago