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59 Funny big quotes

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

3 months ago

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

3 months ago

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

3 months ago

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

3 months ago

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

3 months ago

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

3 months ago

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

3 months ago

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

3 months ago

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

3 months ago

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

3 months ago

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

3 months ago

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

3 months ago

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

3 months ago

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

3 months ago

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

3 months ago

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

3 months ago

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

3 months ago

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

3 months ago

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

3 months ago