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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

57 minutes ago

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Just shared via Threads:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Going viral on TikTok:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Shared recently on WeChat:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Home » Funny Full Quotes » Page 5

49 Funny full quotes

More funny full quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Commentary:
"Ah, Catthew, the mischievous feline with a name that commands authority 😼🤣 Maybe it's the formal tone that will finally make him listen…or maybe he's just too busy planning his next adventure! 🐾 #CatTroubles"
6 months ago
Share →: I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Commentary:
👗 "I have three full closets of nothing to wear" – the eternal struggle of every fashionista! It's like staring into a closet full of clothes and feeling like you have absolutely nothing to put on 🤷‍♀️ Time for a wardrobe intervention or maybe just a shopping spree in disguise! 💸🛍️ #FashionistaProblems
6 months ago
Share →: On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Commentary:
"Get ready for some full-size servings of terrible wisdom this Halloween! 🎃🍫 Remember, sometimes bad advice can be the best treat of all! Just like those full-size candy bars, grab them quick while supplies last… or maybe not 😏🤪 #HalloweenHumor"
6 months ago
Share →: The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Commentary:
"The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. It's like battling White Walkers in a boardroom setting. Winter is coming…to my to-do list. ❄️👔 #GameOfMeetings"
6 months ago
Share →: Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Commentary:
"Who knew laxatives were the secret to unlocking your pooptential! 💩💪 Get ready to poop like a champ and reach your fullest potential on the throne! 🚽😂"
6 months ago
Share →: You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Commentary:
"Ah, that magical moment when the alarm clock rings and you feel like a burst of sunshine ready to conquer the day! Wait, that never happens! 🌞😂 #MondayVibes"
6 months ago
Share →: I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Commentary:
"Who needs enemies when you can have a room full of mirrors reflecting your competition, right? 😂🙈 #MirrorMirrorOnTheWall #Winning"
6 months ago
Share →: In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's mastered the art of attention-stealing! 🎨😏 Who needs a gallery when you've got captivating company right in front of you? 😂 #AllEyesOnYou"
6 months ago
Share →: I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the grown-up pastime of scrutinizing a cartoon about a group of heroic pups with more plot twists than a soap opera 🐾📺 Who needs reality TV when you have the mystery of how Mayor Goodway always loses her pet chicken on Paw Patrol? 🐔🤔 #AdultingGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

57 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Trending via Discord:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Just landed via Reddit:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Breaking via Messenger:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

Making waves on Twitch:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Making waves on WeChat:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Going viral on Facebook:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

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