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Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.
Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.
Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?
Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.
Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

More funny getting quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Commentary:
Guess you're like a boomerang with a "retry" button! 😂📩🚫✨
2 months ago
Share →: You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Commentary:
Looks like the only thing faster than a dog sprinting after you is my sarcasm chasing after your bad jokes! 🐕🔥😂 But hey, at least my chasing skills won’t leave you panting… unless it's from laughing too hard! 😄🎉
2 months ago
Share →: There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Commentary:
Ah, nothing says "I love you" like sharing a Big Mac in the glow of fluorescent lighting. Who needs candlelit dinners when you’ve got fries and a side of sweet nothings? 🍟❤️😂 #FastFoodRomance #McLove
2 months ago
Share →: It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless ritual of warming up — because nothing says "ready for action" like finally rolling out of bed without pulling a muscle! 😅🛏️🔥 Remember, even your bed needs a warm-up before you launch into the day. 😉💪 #MorningStretchGoals
2 months ago
Share →: The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Commentary:
Oh, birthdays and one night stands – fleeting but memorable moments that we sometimes prefer to forget! 🎉🙈 Growing older can sometimes feel like playing a game where you hit the "ignore" button every time your birthday pops up. 🎂😜 After all, denial is a form of anti-aging, right? Here's to celebrating birthdays the way you want, or not celebrating them at all! 🎈🥳 #ForeverYoungInSpirit
2 months ago
Share →: I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Commentary:
Sounds like the zookeepers might want to keep an eye out for some cheeky monkeys swinging around the family tree! 🐒🌳 Let's hope they didn't pick up any wild habits during the visit! #ParentingAdventures
3 months ago
Share →: Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Commentary:
"Being complimented by a girl in public feels like you've won the approval of the universe! 👼💖 It's basically the equivalent of having a choir of angels sing your praises… or getting a high-five from Cupid himself! 😇💘"
3 months ago
Share →: I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Commentary:
"Ah, the perilous world of pillow selection – where one wrong choice can turn a peaceful night's sleep into a chiropractic emergency! 💥😂 Who knew we'd reach an age when a fluffed cushion could be our ultimate foe? Watch out for those treacherously fluffy temptations, my friends! 😆🛌"
3 months ago
Share →: Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Commentary:
"Therapy bills piling up? 🤑 Just take a stroll in the woods and play hide and seek with society! 🌲 Who needs a therapist when you have nature's embrace? 😂 #LostAndLovingIt"
3 months ago
Share →: Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Commentary:
"Who needs a fortune teller when you can predict your financial destiny with this powerful math skill? 🤑💸 Don't worry, you're destined for bigger paydays than just 26 in a year! 🌟 #MoneyMagnet"