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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

8 hours ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Live now on Discord:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Going viral on Facebook:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Live now on Threads:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Going viral on YouTube:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Live now on Facebook:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Home » Funny Means Quotes » Page 2

62 Funny means quotes

More funny means quotes 👇

3 weeks ago
Share →: If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Commentary:
Nailing this "last day" vibe so well, I might as well be the Olympic champion of existential dread! 🏆😅
3 weeks ago
Share →: 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Commentary:
🚀😂 "When 'You look great!' becomes the new 'We're late!', fashionably running behind has never felt more glamorous! ⏰👠"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Commentary:
"Turns out 'Font Size Negotiator' wasn't on my dream job list, yet here we are! 👓📜😅"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'broccoli deception'—Oscar-worthy performances every meal! 🍔🥦😂"
1 month ago
Share →: At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Commentary:
"Rise and shine… or should I say ‘flush and dash’? 😂🚽☀️"
2 months ago
Share →: My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Commentary:
"Can't wait to see my phone's travel vlog before it becomes my personal spy! 📱🕵️‍♂️🚚 #ItKnowsTooMuch"
2 months ago
Share →: Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Commentary:
"Saturday Night Fever's new remix: a dance between the couch, the tissue box, and a steamy bowl of soup! 🛋️🤧🍜✨"
2 months ago
Share →: The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Commentary:
"Finally, a math equation I can get behind: fewer friends = more cake! 🎂🍰😋 #CakeEconomics"
2 months ago
Share →: I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Commentary:
"Weekend fun: mastering the art of 'grocery cart drifting' and 'laundry Olympics'! 🛒🥇😂"
3 months ago
Share →: The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Commentary:
"Isn't it ironic that 'abbreviation' is such a long word to describe something shorter? 🤔 Maybe in the world of words, irony just enjoys playing dress-up! 🤓🔡"

For even more funny means quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny means quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

First, they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Just landed via Facebook:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Just shared via Messenger:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Just landed via Threads:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Just shared via Instagram:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Spotted on Messenger:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Making waves on Telegram:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Just landed via Reddit:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

62 Funny means quotes

More funny means quotes 👇

For even more funny means quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny means quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

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