28 Funny plan quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  View →: My plan is to die young as late as possible.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.
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  1 month ago

  View →: Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.
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  1 month ago

  View →: My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.
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  2 months ago

  View →: If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
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  4 months ago

  View →: What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?
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  4 months ago

  View →: My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.
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  5 months ago

  View →: It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?
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  5 months ago

  View →: God’s plan for me is super weird so far.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.
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  5 months ago

  View →: There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.
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  5 months ago

  View →: “God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

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