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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Going viral on X:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Spotted on TikTok:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Spotted on Threads:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Spotted on Threads:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Just landed via Facebook:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Just landed via X:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

56 Funny plan quotes

Funny plan quotes add a twist of humor to life’s unpredictable journey 😂🎢! Whether you’re a meticulous planner or a spontaneous adventurer, these witty one-liners remind us that the best-laid plans often go hilariously astray 🎯🙃. Perfect for lightening the mood when things don’t go as expected, they offer a chuckle and a fresh perspective on life’s little surprises. Dive into these gems and embrace the chaos with a smile 😄✨!

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

59 shares on Slack this month:

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Making waves on Reddit:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Going bananas on Telegram:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Going viral on Telegram:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Just shared via Discord:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Live now on Threads:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

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