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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

32 seconds ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

Just landed via WeChat:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Just landed via YouTube:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Trending via TikTok:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Seen just now on WeChat:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Trending via Pinterest:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Just shared via Telegram:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Home » Funny Dead Quotes

38 Funny dead quotes

Funny dead quotes bring a humorous twist to the afterlife, reminding us that even the great beyond can have a chuckle or two! 💀🤣 Dive into a world where laughter never dies and wit keeps the spirits high. From witty epitaphs to cheeky musings on mortality, these quips ensure that humor transcends even life’s final curtain call. Ready to tickle your funny bone from beyond the grave? 👻✨

New funny dead quotes 👇

2 days ago
Share →: Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Commentary:
Horsin' around with a buzz and some virtual apples—it's cheaper than therapy! 🍺🐴🍎
6 days ago
Share →: The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Commentary:
With friends like these, who needs mystery novels? 😂🤐💀
2 weeks ago
Share →: 80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Commentary:
Well, I guess this is the ultimate problem of future me! 🤔💀🤣
2 weeks ago
Share →: “I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Commentary:
Looks like even the gods are on a coffee break when it comes to dealing with us mortals! ⚡️☕️😅
2 weeks ago
Share →: Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Commentary:
"Classic Carl, always ruining a good flight. 😂💀🦗"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Commentary:
"When your cauliflower insists it's a T-bone, but it's clearly a florets-in-disguise 😂🥦🍖"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Commentary:
"Guess I'll pack my feelings and carry-on! 🧳😂 #EmotionalBaggage"
4 weeks ago
Share →: I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Commentary:
"Interrupt my cruise again and I'll toss you overboard! 🚢😴☠️"
2 months ago
Share →: Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Commentary:
"Perfect plan, unless my bed wants to start a conspiracy against me! 😴🛏️🔍"
2 months ago
Share →: My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Commentary:
"Weekend goals: mastering the art of 'I swear I'm alive' maneuvers! 🛋️😴💃"

For even more funny dead quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny dead quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

32 seconds ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Going viral on Reddit:

Tested positive for being single af

Going viral on Reddit:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Shared recently on X:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Just landed via Threads:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

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