Funny quotes keep

81 Funny keep quotes

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

4 days ago

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

5 days ago

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

1 week ago

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

3 weeks ago

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

1 month ago

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

1 month ago

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

1 month ago

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

1 month ago

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

2 months ago

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

2 months ago

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

3 months ago

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

3 months ago

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

3 months ago

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

3 months ago

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

3 months ago

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

3 months ago

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

3 months ago

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

3 months ago

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

3 months ago

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

3 months ago