147 Funny keep quotes

• So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

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  12 minutes ago

  cooking, dinner, every, forever, frustration, humor, i, just, keep, life, making, night, question, routine

• Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

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  3 hours ago

  advice, anger, else, humor, keep, nobody, patience, temper, wants

• Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

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  3 hours ago

  advice, aspirin, bottle, children, headache, humor, i, irony, just, keep, take

• Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

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  4 hours ago

  enemy, food, friend, friends, friendship, humor, keep, kitchen, rivalry, toast, toaster, wit

• Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

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  4 hours ago

  humor, i, introspection, journal, keep, likes, media, self-expression, social, social media, sure, thought, thoughts, writing

• If you’re going through hell, keep going.

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  6 hours ago

  determination, going, hell, keep, keep going, motivation, perseverance, resilience, struggle

• If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

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  8 hours ago

  advice, dating, humor, keep, loyal, loyal woman, man, relationship, reply, trying, woman, women

• Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

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  9 hours ago

  always, drunk, keep, mouth, shut, sober, teach

• Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

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  11 hours ago

  acting, ask, asking, behavior, circus, clown, going, humor, keep, keeps, self-reflection, stop, why, yourself

• Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

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  14 hours ago

  dishes, dishwashing, every, everyday, everyday problem, humor, keep, laundry, problem, rolling, should, sleeve, song, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, time, wash

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