Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

93 Funny idea quotes

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

3 months ago

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

3 months ago

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

3 months ago

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

3 months ago

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

3 months ago

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

3 months ago

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

3 months ago

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

3 months ago

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

3 months ago

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

3 months ago

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

3 months ago

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

3 months ago

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

3 months ago

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

3 months ago

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

3 months ago

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

3 months ago

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

3 months ago

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

3 months ago

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

3 months ago

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

3 months ago