Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it. Posted on9 hours ago
I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person. Posted on10 hours ago
HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.” Posted on20 hours ago
I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet. Posted on22 hours ago
Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later. Posted on1 day ago
That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again. Posted on2 days ago
Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person? Posted on3 days ago
Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later. Posted on5 days ago