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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Making waves on Slack:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Trending via Twitch:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Just shared via YouTube:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Making waves on Telegram:

One thing I expect that we will learn from the vibe coding era is that most ‘idea guys’ don’t actually have very good ideas.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

27 Funny quick quotes

Funny quick quotes are the perfect little bursts of laughter you need to brighten your day 😄✨ Whether you’re scrolling through social media or sharing a chuckle with friends, these witty one-liners pack a punch of humor in just a few words 🎉😂 Get ready to smile, giggle, and maybe even snort as you dive into a world where brevity meets belly laughs! 😜📲

New funny quick quotes 👇

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

47 minutes ago

again, communication, dog, God, hear, humor, i, quick, quick reply, relationship, reply, wait, waiting
This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

8 hours ago

celebration, Christmas, date, gone, holiday, quick, surprise, time, tomorrow, year
It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

2 weeks ago

call, communication, humor, irony, key, life, love, million, quick, song, songs, stakeholder, work, work life, zero
After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

1 month ago

after, Christmas, everyone, finance, finances, forehead, forehead kiss, gift, going, happy, holiday, humor, kiss, money, quick, review
A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

2 months ago

gratitude, humor, keeping, me, quick, safety, shoutout, sidewalk, sidewalks, street, streets, thanks, walking
This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

2 months ago

bathroom, bathroom mirror, draw, every, finger, finger gun, gun, guns, humor, just, know, mirror, morning, never, practice, quick, quick draw, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation
I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

2 months ago

act, advice, around, comedy, confidence, disguise, embarrassment, etiquette, face, farting, funny tips, humor, humor advice, just, key, loud, natural, people, prank, quick, social, social etiquette, tips
Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

2 months ago

anyone, confusion, humor, irony, know, point, pondering, question, quick, sarcasm, super
Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

2 months ago

believe, cartoon, childhood, ever, fear, humor, i, imagination, led, me, movement, place, quick, quick movement, run, running, scare, scared, Scooby Doo, should
I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

2 months ago

boundary, draining, humor, i, media, quick, real, self-care, social, social media, soul, unco-worker, uncousin, unfamily, unfollow, unfriend

For even more funny quick quotes, hit next 👇

All funny quick quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

97 shares on Discord this month:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

22 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

42 shares on Threads this month:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

Making waves on Instagram:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Seen just now on Discord:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Broadcasted on X:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

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