Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Seen just now on Slack:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Going viral on YouTube:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Just landed via TikTok:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

More funny quotes 👇

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

0

1 week ago

agree, Christmas, commentary, employee, employees, feel, ghost, ghosts, holiday, holiday season, humor, i, important, meaning, middle, night, pay, pay raise, people, person, raise, remind, rich, rich person, season, social, social commentary, true
The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

0

1 week ago

condition, connection, exhaustion, fatigue, humor, independence, large, life, modern, modern life, network, observation, own, people, self-reliance, social, social connection, support, support network, things, time, tired, trying, why, wondering
I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

0

1 week ago

age, asked, beauty, beauty treatment, Botox, cosmetic, cosmetic procedure, doctor, girls, got, humor, i, joke, just, look younger, me, procedure, skincare, treatment, younger, zero
It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

0

1 week ago

5, after, afterlife, almost, cool, death, died, event, experience, humor, life, life event, near-death, near-death experience, reflection, surprise, times, top
So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

0

1 week ago

account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought
Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

0

1 week ago

activity, after, anyone, food, humor, just, meet, meet up, scream, social, social activity, want
The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

0

1 week ago

angel, both, conflict, devil, frustration, humor, inner, inner conflict, me, self-awareness, shoulder, shoulders
The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

0

1 week ago

being, cheating, dating, days, humor, infidelity, know, problem, relationship, relationships, trust
Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

0

1 week ago

2, binge, binge-watching, day, distraction, entertainment, happening, humor, movie, prevent, procrastination, thought, watching
Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

0

1 week ago

chair, evening, i, illusion, jacket, left, looks, new, night, nightmare, person, scare, sometimes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Slack this month:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

63 shares on Threads this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

67 shares on X this month:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Going viral on TikTok:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Making waves on Reddit:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Trending via Slack:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Going viral on WeChat:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Just shared via Discord:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Making waves on Twitch:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨