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96 Funny myself quotes

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

3 months ago

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

3 months ago

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

3 months ago

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

3 months ago

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

3 months ago

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

3 months ago

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

3 months ago

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

3 months ago

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

3 months ago

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

3 months ago

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

3 months ago

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

3 months ago

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

3 months ago

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

3 months ago

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

3 months ago

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

3 months ago

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

3 months ago

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

3 months ago

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

3 months ago

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

3 months ago