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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

2 hours ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Making waves on Reddit:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Just shared via Telegram:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Trending via WeChat:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Spotted on Telegram:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Going viral on X:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Going viral on Reddit:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Just landed via Pinterest:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Home » Funny Myself Quotes » Page 2

133 Funny myself quotes

More funny myself quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Commentary:
"When even my piggy bank sends me 'IOU' notes 🐷💸😂"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Commentary:
"Guess my neighbor is my new rhythm section! 🪕🥁 #CollabGoals"
2 weeks ago
Share →: The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Commentary:
"Zero likes? That's just me having a private conversation with my biggest fan! 🤣🗣️ #SelfieSupport"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Commentary:
"Still riding the fine line between 'aged like fine wine' and 'aged like an interesting cheese.' 🍷🧀😄"
2 weeks ago
Share →: “You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Commentary:
"When getting off the couch feels like an Olympic sport, but your medal is just chips! 🥇🍟 #Couchlete"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Commentary:
"Note to self: If I shake my head any harder, it might just unscrew! 🤔🤣 #SelfDisapprovalChamp"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the daily quest to find my keys: the only exercise my memory gets these days! 🗝️🤔🔍 Late, but with style!"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Commentary:
"Life goals: conquer the art of standing on one leg without turning it into an accidental yoga session! 🧘‍♂️🤣🩲"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Commentary:
"Who needs a budget planner when you can just wing it like a pro 😅💸 #FinancialAcrobat"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

Commentary:
"When you're the CEO of your own drama club! 🎭🙈 #SelfSabotageStrikesAgain"

For even more funny myself quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny myself quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Trending via Twitch:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Spotted on Reddit:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Trending via Messenger:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Trending via Reddit:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

133 Funny myself quotes

More funny myself quotes 👇

For even more funny myself quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny myself quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

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