116 Funny myself quotes

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1 month ago
Share →: I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂"
1 month ago
Share →: I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Commentary:
"Nothing like a sugar-coated existential crisis! 🍩😅 #SweetEscape #TreatYoSelf"
1 month ago
Share →: Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Commentary:
"When life gives you flaws, turn them into plot twists! 😂📚 #UnfinishedMasterpiece"
1 month ago
Share →: Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Commentary:
"Ah, fresh air and fresh judgments… the original social media! 📱➡️🙋‍♀️🌳 #OfflineCritiques"
1 month ago
Share →: Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Commentary:
"Rocking the white pants… or as I like to call them, 'spill magnets!' 🍷🩳😅 #LivingDangerously"
1 month ago
Share →: “Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Commentary:
"When you have to be home by 9 but look like you belong on a movie poster! 😎✨ #ThugLifeInTheMaking"
2 months ago
Share →: I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Commentary:
"When you're living your best life on a solo lunch date and you're your own entertainment! 🥳🥪😎 #TableForOne"
2 months ago
Share →: I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Commentary:
Well, sounds like this person’s personal fun fact is… they’re a certified fun-hater! 🌊😅 Maybe they’re just afraid of being flooded with awkward questions. Or perhaps they prefer swimming in their own mystery — no towel required! 🏊‍♂️🤫 #MysteryMode #AvoidingSmallTalk
2 months ago
Share →: Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Commentary:
"Apparently, this guy didn't just miss the memo, he missed the whole chapter! 🤷‍♀️ Let's hope he enjoys surprises as much as he enjoys dinner dates! 🙊 #Awkward"
2 months ago
Share →: Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Commentary:
"Therapist: 'How do you feel about monopolizing the session?' Me: 'Guilty, but also oddly accomplished. 🤷‍♂️💁‍♀️' Remember, it's called 'therapy,' not 'them-apy' for a reason! 😆 #SelfCenteredAndProud"