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8,000+ funny quotes

11 Funny seconds quotes

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025
Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025
I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025
Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025
Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025
Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025
I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025