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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has shared:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has viewed:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has copied:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has copied:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has shared:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

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13,916

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10,945

Updated

52 minutes ago

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Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Threads:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people β€œThanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Making waves on YouTube:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Trending via WeChat:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Just shared via Reddit:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month πŸš€

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has copied:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has copied:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has viewed:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has copied:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Threads:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled β€œrun for your life!” I’d be like β€œya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Breaking via YouTube:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Broadcasted on Threads:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Just landed via Instagram:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Trending via WeChat:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Just shared via TikTok:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Freshly posted on X:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Just landed via WeChat:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Just landed via Reddit:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

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