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New funny quotes: 56 this month

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Updated: Mar 21, 2026

 

 

 

 

38 Funny etiquette quotes

Funny etiquette quotes bring a smile to the rules of manners 🧐✨, mixing wit with wisdom to keep things light and lively 🎉😄. Whether you’re at a dinner party or just navigating everyday social situations, these playful sayings remind us that etiquette doesn’t have to be stiff or boring 🥂😉. Get ready to laugh and learn how to mind your Ps and Qs with a twist of humor! 🎭💬

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Posted onJan 29, 2026

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Posted onJan 29, 2026

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Posted onJan 29, 2026

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Posted onJan 23, 2026

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Posted onJan 21, 2026

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Posted onJan 21, 2026

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Posted onJan 20, 2026

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Posted onJan 20, 2026

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Posted onJan 20, 2026

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Posted onJan 19, 2026

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Posted onJan 19, 2026

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