3517 Funny i quotes

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew avoiding awkward encounters was the ultimate cardio workout? 😂🏃‍♂️💨 #WalmartOlympics"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

  Commentary:
  "Memory of a goldfish in training! 🐠 P.S. If you see my keys, remind them who I am! 🔑😂"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

  Commentary:
  "Sure, just ask the Money Fairy to set her alarm! 😴💸✨ #BillionaireByBreakfast"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

  Commentary:
  "Guess I'll start carrying holy water just in case! 😇💧🙌 #GroundBlessing"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

  Commentary:
  "When opportunity knocks… or rather, flushes! 🚽🤣 #BathroomBreaksAreTheNewSnacks"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

  Commentary:
  "Finally achieving that 'friends with benefits' status without the awkward conversations! 😂👏 #LifeHack"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

  Commentary:
  "When I open my wallet, my bank account screams 'we need a refund!' 😂💸 #ReimburseTheSpender"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

  Commentary:
  "Totally agree! Just texted Batman about it 😂🦸‍♂️🎤"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

  Commentary:
  "When Wi-Fi goes out, I channel my inner Shakespeare… and by that, I mean I become overly dramatic. 📡😅🗣️"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

  Commentary:
  "Plot twist: The 'light at the end of the tunnel' is just the fridge bulb. 🍕😂 #LifeGoals"

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