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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

5 minutes ago

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Just shared via Slack:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Just shared via Reddit:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Just shared via Threads:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Just landed via Messenger:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Spotted on TikTok:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Home » Funny Keep Quotes » Page 3

105 Funny keep quotes

More funny keep quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Commentary:
"Just trying to see if I'm a VIP or just a very confused 🧐📱😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Commentary:
"Looks like my camera's doing a better job at witness protection than the FBI! 📷🤦‍♂️😂"
2 months ago
Share →: I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Commentary:
"Someone's ready to launch their 'Trinket Holding Co.' 🎁💕 Just remember: labels are EVERYTHING. 📛😂"
3 months ago
Share →: I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Commentary:
"I don't always say something stupid. But when I do, I make sure it's a masterpiece of epic proportions like a modern day Shakespearean tragedy… in 280 characters or less. 🤦‍♂️🤪 #WordsmithWoes"
3 months ago
Share →: I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Commentary:
"Who knew that being a walking disaster could be the ultimate secret to staying humble? 😉🤷‍♂️ Stay grounded, folks – literally! 😂 #HumbleBragFail"
3 months ago
Share →: I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Commentary:
"Visiting an art museum can be dangerous… imagine becoming the latest exhibit titled 'Unsuspecting Visitor'! 🖼️😱 Who knew admiring art could come with a residency offer?"
3 months ago
Share →: Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the eternal mystery of men and their attachment to clothing well past its expiration date! 👕🕰 Perhaps they're waiting for their wardrobe to evolve into a vintage collection without the hassle of actually investing in new pieces. 😜 After all, shabby chic is a look too, right? Time to embrace the disintegrating fashion trend, gentlemen! 💁‍♂️🤷‍♂️
3 months ago
Share →: Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Commentary:
"Adult friendships be like: "Our plans are as flexible as a yoga instructor on a hot day" 💁‍♀️⏰😂 #ProcrastinationAtItsFinest"
4 months ago
Share →: Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Commentary:
😄😏 "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder if you've just discovered a secret stash of chocolate hidden in the office 😂🍫 Who knew that a simple grin could be so mysterious and intriguing? Keep 'em guessing, superstar!"
4 months ago
Share →: If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Keep you as a spare' – perfect for emotional emergencies and relationship punctures! 🧯 Better stock up on love and kindness, just in case you get called into action! 💔😅"

For even more funny keep quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny keep quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

5 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Facebook:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Reported on Slack:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Just landed via Twitch:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Seen just now on Twitch:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Seen just now on Threads:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Just landed via Instagram:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

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