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10,000+ funny quotes

81 Funny keep quotes

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

3 months ago

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

3 months ago

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

3 months ago

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

3 months ago

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

3 months ago

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

3 months ago

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

3 months ago

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

3 months ago

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

3 months ago

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

3 months ago

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

3 months ago

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

3 months ago

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

3 months ago

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

3 months ago

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

3 months ago

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

3 months ago

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

3 months ago

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

3 months ago

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

3 months ago

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

3 months ago