39 funny side quotes - Wordgag ツ

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

Feb 3, 2026

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Feb 2, 2026

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Feb 2, 2026

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Feb 2, 2026

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Feb 2, 2026

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Feb 2, 2026

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Feb 2, 2026

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Feb 2, 2026

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Feb 1, 2026

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Feb 1, 2026

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Feb 1, 2026

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Feb 1, 2026

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Jan 31, 2026

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Jan 31, 2026

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Jan 31, 2026

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Jan 30, 2026

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Jan 29, 2026

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Jan 29, 2026

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Jan 29, 2026

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Jan 29, 2026

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Jan 29, 2026

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Jan 29, 2026

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Jan 29, 2026

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Jan 29, 2026

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Jan 23, 2026

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Jan 23, 2026

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Jan 22, 2026

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Jan 22, 2026

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Jan 22, 2026

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Jan 22, 2026

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Jan 21, 2026

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Jan 21, 2026

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Jan 20, 2026

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Jan 20, 2026

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Jan 19, 2026

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

Jan 19, 2026

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Jan 19, 2026

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Jan 19, 2026

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Jan 19, 2026