Funny quotes hit

30 Funny hit quotes

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

2 weeks ago

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

1 month ago

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

3 months ago

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

3 months ago

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

3 months ago

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

3 months ago

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

3 months ago

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

3 months ago

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

3 months ago

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

3 months ago

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

3 months ago

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

3 months ago

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

3 months ago

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

3 months ago

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

3 months ago

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

3 months ago

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

3 months ago

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

3 months ago

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

3 months ago

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

3 months ago