34 Funny hit quotes

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  1 week ago

  View →: The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.
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  1 month ago

  View →: Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.
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  1 month ago

  View →: All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.
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  2 months ago

  View →: Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.
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  4 months ago

  View →: One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.
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  4 months ago

  View →: You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.
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  4 months ago

  View →: My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”
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  4 months ago

  View →: A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.
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  5 months ago

  View →: A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”
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  5 months ago

  View →: You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.
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  5 months ago

  View →: They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

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