610 funny know quotes - Page 10 - Wordgag ツ

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Jan 22, 2026

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Jan 22, 2026

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Jan 22, 2026

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Jan 22, 2026

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Jan 22, 2026

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Jan 22, 2026

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Jan 22, 2026

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Jan 22, 2026

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Jan 22, 2026

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Jan 22, 2026

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Jan 22, 2026

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Jan 22, 2026

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Jan 22, 2026

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Jan 22, 2026

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Jan 22, 2026

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Jan 22, 2026

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Jan 22, 2026

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Jan 22, 2026

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Jan 22, 2026

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Jan 22, 2026

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Jan 22, 2026

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Jan 22, 2026

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Jan 22, 2026

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Jan 22, 2026

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Jan 22, 2026

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Jan 22, 2026

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Jan 21, 2026

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Jan 21, 2026

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Jan 21, 2026

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Jan 21, 2026

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Jan 21, 2026

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Jan 21, 2026

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Jan 21, 2026

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Jan 21, 2026

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Jan 21, 2026

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Jan 21, 2026

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Jan 21, 2026

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Jan 21, 2026

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Jan 21, 2026

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Jan 21, 2026