358 Funny ever quotes

Funny ever quotes are like the confetti of language, sprinkling a little buzz into the mundane. They’re the cheeky winks from history’s class clowns, the verbal high-fives that transform dull moments into laugh-out-loud memories. Whether you’re seeking a giggle, a snort, or a full-on belly laugh, these gems are your go-to. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and dive into a world where words wear clown shoes and every punchline lands like a feather on your funny bone. Get ready to LOL and maybe even ROFL!

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

3 months ago

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

3 months ago

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

3 months ago

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

3 months ago

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

3 months ago3 months ago

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

3 months ago3 months ago

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

4 months ago4 months ago

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

4 months ago4 months ago

358 Funny ever quotes

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?