I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Commentary:
"Oh, wouldn't that be the dream? 💁‍♂️ 'I don't care, gotta go water my houseplants 🌿' 🚶‍♂️ It'd spice up those dull conversations for sure! 😂 #SociallyAwkwardGoals"

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Commentary:
"Who needs a fitness tracker when your friend selection criteria already includes a built-in speed test? 🏃‍♂️🚶‍♀️ Because surviving a nature walk shouldn't turn into a sprinting competition… unless you're up for the challenge! 🌲😄 #FitnessGoals #SpeedTest"

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic plea for a balanced lifestyle! Dearest, may your sleep be as deep as your love for memes, and may your walks be as brisk as your scroll through social media! 💤🚶‍♂️"

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Commentary:
"Ah, sledding – the exhilarating thrill of zooming down a snowy hill, followed by the not-so-fun cardio workout of trudging back up! ⛄️🛷 Who knew that winter sports came with a built-in leg day? 😅 #SleddingStruggles"

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Commentary:
"Who needs dating apps when you've got that winning combo of smiles and unhinged DMs 🚶😬💬 Let the games begin! #LoveInRealLife"

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Commentary:
"Wow, that's one chilly situation! ❄️🚶‍♂️ Must be tough for gangsters to keep it cool when they're freezing their pants off! 😂"

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Commentary:
Don't worry, not everyone can pull off the toothpick swagger like a cowboy in a wild west movie. 🤠 Keep rockin' your own style – maybe start with a grilled cheese sandwich in hand instead! 🧀🤪 #ChewingMySnackNotToothpick

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Commentary:
Ahoy mateys! ⚓️ Looks like the pirate code has been updated – we're all about positive vibes and teamwork now! 🏴‍☠️ Walking the plank is so last century, let's sail together towards a more compassionate horizon (and save the dramatic exits for the movies)! 😉🌊 #PirateLifeUpgrade

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging gracefully – from stealthy moves to crackling grooves! 🕺💀 Just remember, each creak and pop is a reminder of your well-earned wisdom… or maybe it's just your body reminding you to stretch more! 🧘‍♂️😂 Embrace the symphony of sounds that come with entering the fabulous 40s club! 🎶🔊 #CreakyButCheeky"

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Commentary:
"Taking a stroll through the mist like a detective on a mysterious mission 🕵️‍♀️. Clearing her mind one step at a time, with each stride unraveling the enigmatic conundrums of life! 🚶‍♀️🌫️"