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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,410

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Spotted on Messenger:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Trending via Discord:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Making waves on Messenger:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

248 Funny bad quotes

More funny bad quotes 👇

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

1 week ago

AI, angel, app, apps, bad, bad luck, betting, distraction, generative, generative AI, guardian, guardian angel, happen, humor, letting, luck, me, sports, sports betting, technology, things, why
Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

1 week ago

apology, bad, bad day, bad year, bro, day, distraction, having, humor, just, sorry, year, zoning, zoning out
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

1 week ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while
You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

1 week ago

allowed, bad, call, call out, excuse, humor, nightmare, should, sleep, work
Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

1 week ago

bad, breaking, breaking heart, emotion, good, heart, humor, irony, love, melting, melting heart, relationship
“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

1 week ago

ask, bad, bad news, feel, feeling, feeling bad, flashlight, health, humor, i, introspection, me, mood, myself, news, question, sarcastic, self-reflection, shit, staring, time, while, why
I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

1 week ago

attitude, bad, being, coping, coping mechanism, emotions, fun, humor, making, mechanism, minutes, sad, sadness, self-deprecation, situation, three
Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

1 week ago

apple, apples, bad, blueberry, delicious, disgusting, Doritos, every, food, food humor, fruit, great, humor, inconsistency, know, problem, same, snack, sometimes, taste, time
The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

1 week ago

back, bad, bad habit, bundle, communication, habit, habits, humanity, humor, i, me, message, mushroom, need, psychedelic, response, self-improvement, shit, tell, together, told, us, weeks
“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

1 week ago

after, bad, cheese, dairy, drinks, eat, health, humor, infancy, kale, Karen, let, mango, me, milk, only, peace, pineapple, smoothie, specy

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

70 shares on Threads this month:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Spotted on Instagram:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Just landed via Discord:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Breaking via Telegram:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Just landed via X:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Live now on Slack:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Live now on YouTube:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Activity Log ✨

248 Funny bad quotes

More funny bad quotes 👇

All funny bad quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨