240 Funny bad quotes

• The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

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  1 month ago

  back, bad, bad habit, bundle, communication, habit, habits, humanity, humor, i, me, message, mushroom, need, psychedelic, response, self-improvement, shit, tell, together, told, us, weeks

• “We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

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  1 month ago

  after, bad, cheese, dairy, drinks, eat, health, humor, infancy, kale, Karen, let, mango, me, milk, only, peace, pineapple, smoothie, specy

• A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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  1 month ago

  1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry

• No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

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  1 month ago

  achy, Achy Breaky Heart, bad, bad day, breaky, country, country music, dance, day, heart, humor, just, line, line dance, matter, music, remember, seems, someone

• Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

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  1 month ago

  bad, bad intention, greeting, humor, intention, intentions, sarcasm, worst

• You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

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  1 month ago

  attraction, bad, desire, emotion, ever, frustration, humor, little, relationship, someone, want

• I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

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  1 month ago

  anything, away, bad, bad behavior, behavior, child, child behavior, got, hilarious, humor, i, know, parenting, right, shut, swear, swear word, swearing, swearing toddler, toddler, word

• I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

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  2 months ago

  apartment, bad, bad news, clean, cleaning, humor, i, irony, just, love, news, procrastination, sit, Victorian, Victorian widow, waiting, whole, widow

• You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

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  2 months ago

  bad, compliment, ever, humor, interaction, know, met, people, person, personality, resilience, social, social interaction, start, strength, telling

• I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

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  2 months ago

  age, bad, feel, feeling, flex, guilty, guilty feeling, humor, i, man, mean, old, old person, overtake, person, sidewalk, stride, walking, youthful, youthful stride

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