Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

157 Funny everyone quotes

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

3 months ago

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

3 months ago

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

3 months ago

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

3 months ago

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

3 months ago

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

3 months ago

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

3 months ago

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

3 months ago

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

3 months ago

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

3 months ago

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

3 months ago

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

3 months ago

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

3 months ago

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

3 months ago

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

3 months ago

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

3 months ago

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

3 months ago

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

3 months ago

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

3 months ago

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

3 months ago