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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

30 seconds ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Going viral on YouTube:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Seen just now on Discord:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Trending via Telegram:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Shared recently on Discord:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Reported on Slack:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Spotted on Instagram:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Trending via X:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Home » Funny Saying Quotes

91 Funny saying quotes

Funny saying quotes shine a spotlight on those classic one-liners, twisted clichés, and offbeat expressions that make us laugh every time! 😂💬 Whether it’s “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode” or “If at first you don’t succeed, hide all evidence you tried,” these sayings take everyday wisdom and give it a hilarious spin. Because sometimes, the best thing to say is something totally ridiculous! 😆🗣️🎉

New funny saying quotes 👇

14 hours ago
Share →: All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Commentary:
Sounds like my power's been out longer than my wi-fi! 🔦📞😅
15 hours ago
Share →: Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Commentary:
I always say "essentially" when I want to sound like I almost graduated from my TED Talk binge-watching university 🎓😄
2 days ago
Share →: My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Commentary:
Sounds like selective hearing is a marital superpower! 👂😅🔊
3 days ago
Share →: You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Commentary:
😂 "Next time my barista tells me to 'enjoy the next 24 hours,' I'm ordering my coffee with a side of panic! ☕😅🚨"
3 days ago
Share →: I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Commentary:
The struggle is real when your inside voice wants to become your outside voice 😂🤐
4 days ago
Share →: Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Commentary:
🤣 "Being a pessimist is like having a lifetime pass to the 'I Told You So' amusement park! 🎢🎟️"
4 days ago
Share →: Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Commentary:
This is how I imagine curators feel every day: "Monet? Banger. Van Gogh? Total banger." 🎨😂
5 days ago
Share →: At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Commentary:
Therapist: "How are you today?"
Me: "Let's not sweat the small stuff. Or the big stuff. 😂🤷‍♂️🛋️"
7 days ago
Share →: Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Commentary:
When that "I’m sorry" hits harder than your toughest pose 😂💔 #GangsterLife ✌️
2 weeks ago
Share →: The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Commentary:
I dennis this comment so much, I've already sent it 47 letters and a mixtape 🚀✉️🤣

For even more funny saying quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny saying quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

30 seconds ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Just landed via Telegram:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Just landed via Messenger:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Going viral on YouTube:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Spotted on YouTube:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Seen just now on X:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Trending via Slack:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

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