31 Funny 5 quotes

• You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, affection, Asian, Asian parent, boom, children, cultural, cultural stereotype, family, form, hugging, humor, kissing, never, parent, parents, romance, stereotype

• It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, 8, alcohol, beer, beers, comparison, day, drinking, drinking water, fat, Funny, funny comparison, hours, humor, impossible, impossible task, kid, seems, seesaw, shot, shots, task, water

• I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, 9, am, humor, i, job, means, misunderstanding, think, time, used, work

• I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, again, am, appearance, dating, desperate, desperation, dinner, enough, humor, i, identify, identity, just, me, microwave, microwave dinner, minutes, nothing, photos, ready, ready in 5 minutes, satisfaction, sexual, sexual identity, want

• Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, book, bro, humor, irony, last, obsession, read, reading, storytelling, tech, tech bro

• It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, after, afterlife, almost, cool, death, died, event, experience, humor, life, life event, near-death, near-death experience, reflection, surprise, times, top

• When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, 8, 9, actually, commute, hours, humor, job, management, realize, teleport, teleportation, time, time management, work, work hours

• The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, am, bed, bedtime, before, book, humor, i, insomnia, late, late night, me, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, read, reading, sleep, sleepy, thing, whole, worth

• A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

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  4 weeks ago

  5, act, act right, back, beg, comeback, days, humor, just, man, relationship, right, take, time

• Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

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  4 weeks ago

  2, 5, actually, am, awesome, bedtime, black, couple, cozy, evening, feels, humor, movie, night, only, perception, pitch, put, reality, staying, super, time, time perception, winter

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